Tea Time with Miyo

May 03, 2021 No comments

At times my Leo personality prevents me from showing weakness even to the people closest to me. Apparently this came off as me being insensitive, emotionless and stoic. Little did I know, it made someone feel less loved and cherished. I came too strong that I mask my true feelings most of the time.

I came across this reading by Eso Tarot and it dawned on me that at times there are things that need to be said so you can be understood. Sometimes we worry too much that if we become too honest to the people close to us, we become susceptible. I have had trust issues from previous relationships that I had kept this limiting belief to shield myself from pain.

My intuition became stronger and clearer when I get to open up my heart to two friends and from that heart-to-heart conversation I have realized I somewhat brought my relationship with this special someone to a point where we seem like strangers. It was like me digging our relationship its own grave. I am not saying I admit that it was entirely. my fault, it still takes two to tango, but I somewhat added fuel into the fire. We almost lost our connection, that spark that brought us together in the first place.

I realized that I was expecting him to open up his heart to me, when I wasn’t even willing to be vulnerable in front of him. I broke that barrier this week and I am glad I did. I poured my heart and soul to him, unexpectedly it allowed him to open himself to me as well. The words that I have been longing to hear and been questioning myself for the longest time, he answered exactly the way I hope it would be.

So I learned today that when you love, you have to be an open book to that person so he can have the ease and confidence to do the same. Being vulnerable to someone doesn’t show you are weak, but instead, it just tells that person how much he means to you. It was a realization that I learned the hard way that it has to take a Mercury transit in Aries to shake up my 7th House.

It was indeed a rollercoaster ride this week, but the most loved I’ve felt my entire life.

April 14, 2021 No comments

When you are trying to take control of things that you can't, doesn't that suck? Then there's this thought that messes with you and makes you wonder, is this just a game your mind plays on you or was it an intuition guiding you?

You were trying hard to look for an answer but the silence is void. Then your heart starts twitching, beating like a so crazy hard and you try to catch your breath as if the world is taking it off you. The anxiety kicks in, then your mind is like bursting to pieces. You feel defeated. You just lost it.

There are things in life that are just not meant to be, and yet at times we tend to control what's supposed to be. In the end there is a wave of disappointment, drowning your entire soul.

I've had this moment, that at times I question myself, why is that the universe is throwing rocks at me. Why is it that I am trying to manifest things and yet I am being shaken beyond belief?

I came to a breaking point and I felt like I was on the edge of death. As I was struggling for every breath, trying to slow down the pace of my heart and wishing to ease the stabbing pain, I felt my daughter touch me gently, telling me "breathe mommy" and she guided me like the way I did when I try to calm her down. I heard her breathe in deeply, and slowly exhaled through her mouth. Reminding me m, "breathe mommy."

Then I realized, there may be times when your world seems to have fallen apart, there is still a reason to keep standing. There is your WHY for not giving up, in my case, I have my kids who watches me and observes how I get through challenges and doubts. Here I am being coached by an 8-year old how to calm my nerves, saying "mommy needs Ylang Ylang for her heart."

I am at peace now, at least for the moment, thanks to my daughter, but there are still questions left unanswered in my head. I may not be able to find those answers. Maybe I didn't have to.

It occurred to me, at times the universe throws rocks at you because you are not where you are meant to be. So you either stay or step away. Maybe these rocks are the universe's way of getting me to where I should be, aligned to what I am trying to manifest. It is creating obstacles so I move to the path where I am supposed to be. It will never be an easy path, but it will never be easier if I keep resisting and forcing to take control. So I am letting go. I'll let destiny take me where I should be. I am surrendering it all and let the divine power guide me. Thy will be done, because I trust that it would direct me to where I wanted to be. It might not be the path where I wanted to take, it could be the path to prepare me to be worthy of where I am destined to be. For now, I am just praying that I get courage and strength to get through it all.

April 07, 2021 No comments

Have you had that feeling inside you, like a strong instinct, that something is wrong and yet you prefer to just brush it all off? At times my mind is playing games with me. Things that I would think about and worry of even when I am not sure if there’s even truth to it. Yet, it makes me feel as if it is true.

I don’t like when things like this happen. Only because I know for a fact that I have very strong manifesting powers, and if I think about it, it could potentially come true. How do you tame your mind and heart? I wish I knew.

I got a stabbing feeling in my heart right now for something that I personally built in my mind. Crazy right? I hate when it happens and hate it even more when I entertain and really get so into it. I have to be in control before I attract it and the universe grants it.

Sorry if I had to let these feelings out, but there are things that I just can’t tell people I know and being able to just vent it out kind of makes me feel better. I hope I do feel better. :)

My relationship with this person means so much to me, and I couldn’t afford to wreak it just because my paranoid mind is making me feel a certain way... so when do you trust a gut feeling? Argh I wish I knew! Anyway, I decided to release and cleanse this emotion that is starting to envelope my energy field. I shouldn’t be wasting time dwelling about this feeling.

So I recognized that there is jealousy and insecurity in my heart right now and I am letting this go, so I can allow myself to reprogram my feelings. Thanks to essential oils, I have something to support my emotions when they turn the other way. I took my Lemon and Acceptance and meditated to let go of these unwanted feelings that are starting to eat me up inside. Meditation really helped me shift things.

As I write this, I feel a lot better now, still not OK but better. My affirmations today are “I am free to move forward,” and “I learn from all life’s experiences.” I think I might need to add these in my daily affirmations when I am almost waking up.

All of us may get in this kind of situation where we start feeling unwanted emotions or we start paying attention to unpleasant things. I just want you to know that it is OK to feel these. Acknowledge it, but do not dwell on it. Being able to recognize that you don’t feel good about a certain thing, event or situation is OK. You don’t have to stop yourself from feeling it, because you are human. It is important though that you are able to, take control and determine how you will be able to turn things around. Dwelling into negative emotions and, even worse, trying to bottle it up and suppressing it would cause your physical body to store it in your DNA. Then that would manifest as a disease, then introduces another negative emotion, until you are trapped and stuck in the limbo.

So developing ways to cope and release would allow you to maintain a healthy mental and physical state. Remember our mind is powerful, that it can move things and events. The Law of Attraction, whether you believe it or not, works 24/7. It never stops, never pauses, never takes a time off. So being aware of your thoughts would make a huge difference. There will still be negative events coming in and out of your way, but these serve important lessons that you need as you traverse your life in the future. So embrace each imperfection the life brings you, but move forward stronger and better each time.

I hope my imperfect emotions have help you see that there is always a way out, and that you can get through whatever comes your way. I stopped telling people to “think of happy thoughts,” a few years ago because it is just encouraging someone to block and invalidate their emotions. Instead I say, “acknowledge that feeling, find its source, release and let go of it, find the courage to feel the opposite emotion, let it sink in to every part of your body and then look forward to a better future.”

Always remember we need to face our emotions head on, and not avoid it. The longer we delay, then the deeper it gets in our soul.

March 19, 2021 No comments

February 27, 2021 No comments

Here's another old story I wrote for my class in the Art Institute back in 2007. Disclaimer: I never had a BF/ex named Sam. I just liked that name and it was easy to type LOL. None of this are true and purely fictional but when I wrote this, I think I might be thinking about a crush or a puppy love hahaha! If you go in the same college as I was, the place described in the story is based on the hybrid of the UP Sunken Garden and UP Track Oval. Two places where I used to find peace and daydream when I was in the university hehehe..

Remembering Sam

It occurred to me again, in the middle of one hot sunny day. As the wind blew upon my face, I slowly walked on the school field, unknowingly of what was bound to happen that day. I could clearly remember the smell of the fresh-cut grass and the sound of the deafening silence while I looked for a place where I could settle down. I found a spot at last. The field was a huge piece of land with manicured grass and few wild flowers that randomly spring in patches. Surrounding it were big old Narra trees evenly spaced from each other. It was a surprise that no one walked on the field that day. The bleachers were even more surprisingly to be so silent, waiting for anyone to occupy it.

I sat on the wooden bench and looked around. There was no trace of anybody. I was facing the field, and at the other side, I could clearly see the flyers on the bleachers from the last night’s game being blown away by the strong wind. For some reason, I felt so empty inside. At the back of my mind I knew that there were memories wanting to escape as I sat here and observed the serenity of the place. This was Sam’s favorite spot. It has been three months since we last talked and I still had vivid reminiscences of our last day together. The image of him saying goodbye was still clear and lost memories of him began to enter my mind profusely, filling my awareness with remembrances of us together. I tried not to pay attention to what my mind wanted me to visualize at that moment, and yet, it managed to permeate my system as if it was an expertise, my heart felt so heavy inside. I missed Sam. I missed him more than anything in this world. I closed my eyes and felt a tear fell on my right cheek. I never bothered to wipe it off instead I meditated and enjoyed the peacefulness of the place as the tear slowly flowed down my cheek.

A warm breeze gently kissed my ears and I felt someone touched my shoulder. I raised my head and to my surprise, I think it was Sam. The sun was up just behind him making me almost blind, I could hardly recognize if it was really he. My thoughts graced my mind like a whirlwind and I asked myself if I was dreaming or not. I suspended my disbelief when he smiled at me, the same smile that left me breathless and that gave me chills all the time. He looked so handsome. I suddenly felt a twinge of happiness inside.

The wind lifted and scattered leaves in front of Sam as he sat beside me. Again, his memory unearthed itself like it was trying to return to bring an end to an unfinished business. Recollections of yesterday’s late afternoon walks, holding hands, text messages, endless laughter and unbreakable proclamations of promises began to saturate my thoughts. It was funny indeed because at that moment I felt like I’m about to go insane. Mixed feelings and emotions spawned like it would make my heart explode.

For a split-second, Sam held me in his arms. I laid my head on his chest and hugged him tight as if I never wanted to let him go. Finally, I was able to enjoy his fragrance for it has been so long since I last inhaled his sweet cologne. Yet, that scent has been lingering in my mind moment by moment. I felt the warmth and smelled the sweetness of his breath as he told me how much he missed me. The happiness was overwhelming making me speechless so instead I smiled and embraced him more. He touched my face, lifted my head and asked me if there was anything wrong. I only gave him a shrug and smiled. I know he would kiss me for he tried to lean over and held me tighter. So, in response to his gestures, I shifted my weight, leaned back, closed my eyes and waited until his sweet lips touch mine.

I fell off the bench we were sitting on. Just like any wraithlike fleeting moment, the image of Sam disappeared. A couple of kids were now sitting twenty rows up the bleachers, I can hardly hear from afar but the silence was void, I was wondering if they ever noticed me. I was hallucinating again. I gathered up my books and as I picked up the last item on the ground, there lies Sam’s picture. Carefully I took his picture and held it close to my chest as I told my self that someday he would come back for me and take me away from this loneliness.

February 22, 2021 No comments

Tea Time with Miyo

About me

Follow Me

Labels

recent posts

Blog Archive