When you are trying to take control of things that you can't, doesn't that suck? Then there's this thought that messes with you and makes you wonder, is this just a game your mind plays on you or was it an intuition guiding you? 

You were trying hard to look for an answer but the silence is void. Then your heart starts twitching, beating like a so crazy hard and you try to catch your breath as if the world is taking it off you. The anxiety kicks in, then your mind is like bursting to pieces. You feel defeated. You just lost it. 

There are things in life that are just not meant to be, and yet at times we tend to control what's supposed to be. In the end there is a wave of disappointment, drowning your entire soul. 

I've had this moment, that at times I question myself, why is that the universe is throwing rocks at me. Why is it that I am trying to manifest things and yet I am being shaken beyond belief?

I came to a breaking point and I felt like I was on the edge of death. As I was struggling for every breath, trying to slow down the pace of my heart and wishing to ease the stabbing pain, I felt my daughter touch me gently, telling me "breathe mommy" and she guided me like the way I did when I try to calm her down. I heard her breathe in deeply, and slowly exhaled through her mouth. Reminding me m, "breathe mommy."

Then I realized, there may be times when your world seems to have fallen apart, there is still a reason to keep standing. There is your WHY for not giving up, in my case, I have my kids who watches me and observes how I get through challenges and doubts. Here I am being coached by an 8-year old how to calm my nerves, saying "mommy needs Ylang Ylang for her heart." 

I am at peace now, at least for the moment, thanks to my daughter, but there are still questions left unanswered in my head. I may not be able to find those answers. Maybe I didn't have to.

It occurred to me, at times the universe throws rocks at you because you are not where you are meant to be. So you either stay or step away. Maybe these rocks are the universe's way of getting me to where I should be, aligned to what I am trying to manifest. It is creating obstacles so I move to the path where I am supposed to be.  It will never be an easy path, but it will never be easier if I keep resisting and forcing to take control. So I am letting go. I'll let destiny take me where I should be. I am surrendering it all and let the divine power guide me. Thy will be done, because I trust that it would direct me to where I wanted to be. It might not be the path where I wanted to take, it could be the path to prepare me to be worthy of where I am destined to be. For now, I am just praying that I get courage and strength to get through it all.