Tea Time with Miyo

February 27, 2021 No comments

Here's another old story I wrote for my class in the Art Institute back in 2007. Disclaimer: I never had a BF/ex named Sam. I just liked that name and it was easy to type LOL. None of this are true and purely fictional but when I wrote this, I think I might be thinking about a crush or a puppy love hahaha! If you go in the same college as I was, the place described in the story is based on the hybrid of the UP Sunken Garden and UP Track Oval. Two places where I used to find peace and daydream when I was in the university hehehe..

Remembering Sam

It occurred to me again, in the middle of one hot sunny day. As the wind blew upon my face, I slowly walked on the school field, unknowingly of what was bound to happen that day. I could clearly remember the smell of the fresh-cut grass and the sound of the deafening silence while I looked for a place where I could settle down. I found a spot at last. The field was a huge piece of land with manicured grass and few wild flowers that randomly spring in patches. Surrounding it were big old Narra trees evenly spaced from each other. It was a surprise that no one walked on the field that day. The bleachers were even more surprisingly to be so silent, waiting for anyone to occupy it.

I sat on the wooden bench and looked around. There was no trace of anybody. I was facing the field, and at the other side, I could clearly see the flyers on the bleachers from the last night’s game being blown away by the strong wind. For some reason, I felt so empty inside. At the back of my mind I knew that there were memories wanting to escape as I sat here and observed the serenity of the place. This was Sam’s favorite spot. It has been three months since we last talked and I still had vivid reminiscences of our last day together. The image of him saying goodbye was still clear and lost memories of him began to enter my mind profusely, filling my awareness with remembrances of us together. I tried not to pay attention to what my mind wanted me to visualize at that moment, and yet, it managed to permeate my system as if it was an expertise, my heart felt so heavy inside. I missed Sam. I missed him more than anything in this world. I closed my eyes and felt a tear fell on my right cheek. I never bothered to wipe it off instead I meditated and enjoyed the peacefulness of the place as the tear slowly flowed down my cheek.

A warm breeze gently kissed my ears and I felt someone touched my shoulder. I raised my head and to my surprise, I think it was Sam. The sun was up just behind him making me almost blind, I could hardly recognize if it was really he. My thoughts graced my mind like a whirlwind and I asked myself if I was dreaming or not. I suspended my disbelief when he smiled at me, the same smile that left me breathless and that gave me chills all the time. He looked so handsome. I suddenly felt a twinge of happiness inside.

The wind lifted and scattered leaves in front of Sam as he sat beside me. Again, his memory unearthed itself like it was trying to return to bring an end to an unfinished business. Recollections of yesterday’s late afternoon walks, holding hands, text messages, endless laughter and unbreakable proclamations of promises began to saturate my thoughts. It was funny indeed because at that moment I felt like I’m about to go insane. Mixed feelings and emotions spawned like it would make my heart explode.

For a split-second, Sam held me in his arms. I laid my head on his chest and hugged him tight as if I never wanted to let him go. Finally, I was able to enjoy his fragrance for it has been so long since I last inhaled his sweet cologne. Yet, that scent has been lingering in my mind moment by moment. I felt the warmth and smelled the sweetness of his breath as he told me how much he missed me. The happiness was overwhelming making me speechless so instead I smiled and embraced him more. He touched my face, lifted my head and asked me if there was anything wrong. I only gave him a shrug and smiled. I know he would kiss me for he tried to lean over and held me tighter. So, in response to his gestures, I shifted my weight, leaned back, closed my eyes and waited until his sweet lips touch mine.

I fell off the bench we were sitting on. Just like any wraithlike fleeting moment, the image of Sam disappeared. A couple of kids were now sitting twenty rows up the bleachers, I can hardly hear from afar but the silence was void, I was wondering if they ever noticed me. I was hallucinating again. I gathered up my books and as I picked up the last item on the ground, there lies Sam’s picture. Carefully I took his picture and held it close to my chest as I told my self that someday he would come back for me and take me away from this loneliness.

February 22, 2021 No comments

My friends and I decided that we will go ahead with the ten-day Master Cleanse starting today. I have been hesitant at first but since I am already getting symptoms of deterioration in my heart, I feel that it is alredy time that I focus again on my physical health. I have been too focused in my spiritual, emotional and mental well-being that I failed to recognize that all four areas go hand in hand in achieving holistic wellness.

Basically this Master Cleanse would enable us to clean our guts since the center of ones health is in the gut. Good thing my doctor gave me a go on this. I was too scared that he would say no :D I will be monitoring my progress on this and hopefully will be able to share some snippets of my journey.

We started with a 3-day precleanse which to me did not do much since most of the things that we started to wean off from the diet, I am not eating. Day 1 would be removing caffeine, refined sugar and processed foods. Day 2 would then remove dairy products and Day 3 is when we get rid of the meat. Day three is a bit challenging only because it is really hard to find a meal that would not require meat (well at least from where I am from where our meals are entirely with either pork, chicken or beef). Also, I wanted to make sure that my husband is on-board with this since he is going to do the cleanse with me too. So I need to make sure that he is not getting discouraged even before we start.

I toook an herbal laxative tonight which scares me thinking about what would come out tomorrow (sorry TMI) hehehe... but I am scared of anything that crawls and they said the parasites that have been living in our gut for a long time would want to go after this cleanse LOL. Hey all of us have that! I tell you you need to be thinking about doing this cleanse too in the future.

Anyway tomorrow is Day 1 for the official cleanse, we will be completely shutting off our digestive system and focus on the cleanse. For 10 days, I will just be taking a Master Cleanse drink made of just lemon, grade A maple syrup, cayenne pepperr and water. OMG for 10 days! I don't know how much I would be able to resist the cravings but I shouldn't worry about the nutrition since I will be getting all the nutritional requirements my body would need from those 4 ingredients.

I will tell more about this as I go on with this. I will be updating this blog post daily to give you an update on what I felt, emotions that came up and the challenges.

DAY 1 - 2/22/2021

So far so good. Probably because I am still excited hehehe.. I am surprised that I didn’t have a hard time getting my husband take the salt-water flush (SWF). I had to mix 2 teaspoons of sea salt with 1L of water and consume it in 10-15 minutes. This would help in flushing out the junk inside. Taking the Master Cleanse Drink (MCD) entire day seems fine. I didn’t have cravings at all and my hubby didn’t complain so all is good. Hehe... there was a bit of challenge though because I have to prepare every hour. I did the concentrate but I cannot prepare way to many since we need to have just enough that we can consume in 8 hours. I think we both had 9 glasses today. I didn’t count at all! But we did get around a glass within 1-1.5 hrs. I felt a bit cold for some reason but maybe because I am Type O. So I guess my body temperature dropped.

I also did my cleansing yoga, focusing on breathing exercises and allowing my blood to circulate. What’s good about today though is that I noticed my blood pressure to be lower.. woo hoo! Not sure if it is the yoga or the drink? Or maybe the meds? Hehe whatever it is hope that as I continue in the next 10 days, I’ll have better readings and that my doc will reduce the dosage.

Anyway I have one more round of MCD today and then will take my laxative and call it a day! :)

DAY 2 - 2/23/2021

OK Day 2 did not start quite well for me. I tried mixing 2tsp of sea salt to 500ml water thinking that it would be easier to swallow the SWF at lower volume and follow through with 500ml plain water. Boy, I am so wrong! :) I felt like throwing up all morning, it was worse than getting morning sickness. Still amazed by how my husband is able to take it without bitching about it hehehe.. I spent an hour in the toilet but it was the most satisfying feeling ever hehehehe!

Overall it was good, no cravings and other challenge with just taking MCD throughout the day. I just have minor issues with my thigh muscles being sore (not sure if this is an effect of the cleanse or the effect of the yoga activity I did the previous day) hehehe..

I have an option to take Swiss Kriss (tablets) or Smooth Move (tea) as laxative and I feel that Swiss Kriss is a better option for me. There is much prep needed for the tea and usually I am already spent by the end of my day. I added YL’s Inner Defense in my regimen to kill any parasites in my body. Anyway I don’t know what tomorrow will be so we’ll see hehehe..

DAY 3: 2/24/2021

Day 3 wasn’t that bad at all but it is getting more challenging taking the SWF. I was contemplating about taking the laxative instead the next day instead of SWF. I am worried that my hubby isn’t saying much.. not even a complaint! He would just take whatever I hand him when I thought it would be a struggle for the entire 10 days hehehe.. I shouldn’t be bothered right? I frequently check him for anything he feels or any discomfort.. he’s like nada! Hmm..

As for me, I feel a bit sullen today so I went ahead an lay down my bed and listened to sound bath by Healing Vibrations on YT. I listened to their endocrine cleanse video and it helped relaxed me. I still didn’t do yoga today, ahh my thighs! Hope tomorrow I would be able to :)

I attended Tom Woloshyn’s Master Cleanse class today and I am glad I did. I had more understanding of how this works and it isn’t just another diet fad. This focuses on cleaning your body and reviving your gut and digestive system. I feel a lot better actually compared to when I was eating the usual junk I enjoy bingeing on. I am still waiting tho to eliminate the waste since I feel that my body isn’t releasing them yet.

I also attended Ed Dailey’s class on Super Gut, very timely when I am working towards cleansing the gut. His class made me crave for baked salmon and Brussels sprouts haha! My list of what to eat after cleanse is building up heehehe.

Entire day went fine, we had 11 glasses today. I decided to add 1 more tablet of the laxative and a capsule of YL’s Inner Defense and see how it would make me move the junk out. We’ll see.. for now Day 3 is over :)

Best quote for today, from Tom, is “when life hands you lemons, Master Cleanse.”

Day 4: 2/25/2021

Trigger warning: TMI

When they said “never trust a fart,” I thought it was said in exaggeration but boy I was so damn wrong! :) I didn’t expect that I would even experience it but noooo I was now a victim.. a living testimonial LOL!

Anyway, remember I decided to add another tablet of the Swiss Kriss as laxative? Not a good idea! :) I didn’t sleep last night cuz I kept running to the bathroom haha! Also there is a feeling of pain, similar to diarrhea whenever I need to go. So I guess 2 tabs should be enough. My husband seems fine tho with 3, so I will keep giving him 3. I also deferred taking laxative in the morning as alternative for the SWF since it might not do well from last night’s struggle. So I had to suffer taking the 1L SWF again T___T

I wonder if this cleanse would help my husband sleep better at night. He normally doesn’t get deep sleep so most of the times he feels tired waking in the morning. So hopefully this would show improvement. Anyway I hope this would help him a lot!

Day isn’t over yet but I feel like writing an update already cuz it’s only been 3 hrs since I woke up and I feel that I am already half through my day :D hehehehe! I might do yoga today, my thighs isn’t that sore anymore so yeah.. see you in a bit!

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I did yoga this afternoon and my favorite part was the gong. I feel weird though, it was a good weird feeling, as if there is energy flowing in my body. It was perfect! Doing the yoga kind of lifted up my spirits so yeah.

I was a bit worried about my husband though, he hasn’t been talking much and just taking what I give him. I am worried that things are going through his mind as his body cleanses his emotions as well, and he is not telling me! Maybe I am just too paranoid hehe.. I hope though that it would heal whatever need healing in his body and mind.

Anyway, I think that would be it for today, I did about 9 glasses today a little less than what I normally have from the past days but all is good. :) See you again for another update tomorrow. :)

Day 5: 2/26/2021

Half-way through! There isn’t much about today aside from the more usual trips to the bathroom. I felt that I am getting less hungry compared to when I first started the cleanse. I started to crave chewing something hehe but not to an extent that I would want to stop the cleanse already. For some reason my body is wanting to go on beyond 10 days hehehe..

I so got used to the routine of prepping the MCD for me and my husband that it became a habit. I normally consume about 9-10 glasses in a day, but the need to have one declined.

SWF is still a pain in the ass :D hahaha.. I haven’t tried taking laxative in lieu of the SWF but I will give it a try this weekend. Five more days and we are done! Jia you Miyo!

Day 6: 2/27/2021

Nothing unusual today except that I noticed that I eliminate less, not sure if it was because I switched from taking SWF to laxatives instead. I didn’t feel hungry or needing to take more MCD like before, I think I pretty much done with 6 but I tried to get to 8 today since my blood sugar might drop like crazy.

Here’s one thing I wanted to share about my experience, being at day 6 in my cleanse. For the past months, my blood pressure is ranging at 171-197/102-119 even with meds. My doc decided to double the dosage of my maintenance meds to help alleviate the symptom. He warned me though that it would be very tough to get me to normal but getting to around 150 systolic is our goal. I asked him about doing a cleanse and he told me that if it would help, then I can do it. I just need to make sure that I monitor regularly.

After 3 days pre-cleanse and 2 days into the cleanse, I noticed that I am already in below the goal range 136-153/87-103. Still high but my doc said unless we find the root cause, we can’t expect it to go lower. Day 4 into the cleanse, my range is at 136-146/87-97. Day 6, I checked again and guess what? It was 129/86 woo hoo! You know what’s even more amazing? I actually reduced my dose back to original since they said when doing the cleanse, it is advisable to wean off medication. I am not comfortable doing that for the time being but I went back to the previous dose that was given to me when my blood pressure is lower.

I plan to continue on doing the master cleanse for a longer period so I can hopefully wean off my meds for good. This made me excited to see my doc next month :D hehehe.. Hope he would agree to further reduce my meds. I am just glad that my doc considers how I wanted to be treated. I usually negotiate with him not to get me into medication provided that I would work through it with proper diet and nutrition. There are cases where he won’t agree if he thinks I am at risk but most of the time, he just let me be. :) Hope I get better news in the next days.

I am at awe with how our body can fully heal itself if only we give it rest and opportunity to do so. This cleanse would be a regular regimen for me moving forward. I cannot give up the sinly foods that I enjoy but knowing that I will be able to flush off any junk it leaves in my body is a compromise that I am willing to give quarterly.

Day 7: 2/28/2021

Wow I can’t believe that I am in day 7 already. Time flies! I think I am enjoying the experience so much that I am actually not feeling like I am torturing myself hehehe... I actually feel good! Normally when I try a restrictive diet or program, in just few days I would feel really bad and that I would just stop doing it. With the cleanse, it is the other way around. The only craving I got was the thought of chewing something and tasting different flavors... but it isn’t that much of a craving that I really feel bad and wanting to stop.

I am happy too that Warren, my hubby, is doing this with me. I am surprised that he lasted this long without complaints! I was anticipating that I would have a hard time making him do it and that I would end up forcing him to, but for some reason, he just did it. :) I hope it would also do good for him. He isn’t talking much about his experience but I am assuming he is feeling good about it, since he is still doing it with me LOL

Anyway I am excited to chew LOL Three more days and then I would be in another post cleanse for 3 days. I am still figuring out some vegetable broth recipes that Warren would willingly take in hehehe.. This makes me crave for spinach and scallops soup hehehe.. anyway it is just the start of my day and I haven’t even taken MCD yet. I don’t feel hungry at all! I’ll update you more later today. I probably do yoga so yeah.

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Days 8-10 3/3/2021

The last 3 days of cleanse is a bit drag hahaha but the best thing I noticed is that my blood pressure has been consistently low :) I am surprised that I actually did it! When I first heard about this cleanse, my first reaction was, not another fasting fad! I am so glad to have friends who encouraged me to do this and to just take the plunge. This experience is life changing to me and it showed me how important it is to keep the gut healthy.

I may have achieved getting this cleanse to completion (and convincing my hubby to do it too) but the real challenge is maintaining it. I didn’t want to just be relying on a cleanse and go back to my old ways of eating junk.

So before I ended my 10 days, I went ahead and did something that I have been wanting to do since 2017. I reached out to Dr. Harvey de Baron, of Baron Method, to finally coach me into changing my lifestyle and focusing on nutrition to drive my health. I have wanted so hard to wean off meds, and the only way to do it is to go hard on health.

I have the tools and knowledge about eliminating toxins in my household and body. I have education about the clinical use of essential oils to reduce our dependency on meds for mild to moderate symptoms, preventing excess burden to our liver and kidneys. However, I lack knowledge in nutrition. So this wellness journey that I am in is taking me to finally learn about nutrition. So I can continue to build a healthier lifestyle of me, my husband and kids.

So as I end my 10th day, instead of thinking about the endless cravings and mukbang sessions that I will be doing in the next few days, I am excited to start preparing healthy meals made of REAL food for my family :) It would cost me, but at least in a long term, would save us hospital bills and expenses for developing chronic illnesses from the cumulative effect of junk that we brought in our tummies.

February 22, 2021 No comments

I thought I'd share a short essay I wrote in my English class in the Art Institute back in May 2007. We were asked to write a classification essay and I decided I'd write about how women's emo are classified. I wanted to be creative and never wanted to write a boring long essay so I figured I'd present the idea through a short story. I enjoy writing as a hobby before and used to write stories and songs when I was a teen.

You probably wonder how I came up with the characters in the story. The girls I wrote about are the girl friends I met in this MMORPG game that I was playing that time. They are my bestest friends I guess.. and they are my inspiration! And yes, how I portrayed everyone in the story is actually how I see those girls are in real. I know each of us have met a girl or two from the story. It makes me smile thinking about girls that come to my mind when I read this. Which one are you?

GIRLS

10pm at Starbucks café, four of us sit on our usual spot. This is our weekly routine. My Saturday night group: Charm, Kianna and Joyce. Women of different attitude and different emotions, we stick together in every problem and issue. Unlike any other regular Saturday, the place isn’t that full tonight. There are a few vacant seats waiting to be occupied. The line at the counter isn’t that long, not like the other time I waited for like 30 minutes before I finally got served. Oh well, it may seem different today but to us, it is still the same night out we regularly have. As usual Charm is the center of attention tonight, endlessly telling us about how she is suffering from the petty fight she and her boyfriend had this morning. I start thinking, “Haha, I bet petty isn’t that petty at all! I knew Charm so well..” Kianna, the most silent among us, just stare blankly at her coffee saying nothing at all. She is the one who will listen to us most of the time and yet will not even talk about what she is thinking. Thank God, Joyce is around. Well without her, I bet Charm will lose her temper again and will leave the rest of us turning red from humiliation. Joyce, I think is the most rational among us. Always getting things in order, she is our shock absorber.

Being with my friends almost every week, I come to realize that women are known to be very emotional and expressive when comes to their feelings. No doubt about it, we love a good cry and are real stars in our own story. Although we appear to deal with same things, we differ in the way we react to some circumstances. We are like actresses of different level in a story, having different reactions for every situation. Like my friends, each of them has their own way of expressing their feelings.

Charm is histrionic and she makes every move by blowing everything out of proportion. She cries for simple things and she turns every ingredient of her life in to a drama. She is a Dramatic Diva. We often call her that. She’s always hungry for sympathy and always trying to reap for compassion from others. As long as there is an opportunity, she can convert circumstances into a stage where she can have the limelight. Like today, as usual, the topic is about her. Her eyes are now so red from crying and it’s funny because there isn’t really a reason to cry. Kianna whispers to me, “Miyo, I thought she said it was a petty fight? What’s with the fuss?” I just shrug and give her a wink. To me, Charm is the most emotional creature God has ever created. Her reaction is so intense as if it was a tediously learned skill that has been harnessed for ages. It is very hard for her to choose rational ways to deal with issues since she tends to launch into hysterics whenever a problem arises. Good thing we are here to keep her sane most of the time. We always tell her that she should try to control her emotions whenever she feels angry, stressed or overwhelmed by trying to find healthy ways to handle her problems. We even gave her a diary so she can write down her sentiments and we advice her that, she can go over the problem and find a solution to it after her mood changes.

On the other hand, Kianna, the Let-It-Go Girl, never fusses with anybody. Sometimes I feel she is so afraid to show her true feelings and most likely she just keeps it to her self. Well, at times she gives me whispers whenever she feels like telling me, but it is very rare to happen. She never airs what she thinks and what she feels, that in a result, it is causing her self-esteem to crash down. Normally, she doesn’t have a feeling of control among us since she is not wholeheartedly devoted in anything. Tonight, I know she is getting annoyed already since our girl friend is taking much of our time talking about her “petty” problem, and yet she keeps staring at each one of us like trying to tell us to do something. She is most likely to be dominated and abused. Since she doesn’t let out her feelings that easily, most of the time she is taken for granted. I can sense that she also has something to share tonight. I can see it in her eyes, but she wouldn’t tell. I know she won’t even tell me if I ask her. I have always tried to tell her that she should start taking steps toward being heard. Instead of just giving a shrug every time we talk about our problems, I tell her that, she also needs to voice out what bothers her for disturbing the peace. I turned to her and said. “Kianna, I know that you are annoyed already, come on talk!” She just smiled sourly. I added, “Hey, everybody has a right to be heard and to express her feelings..” I looked at Charm, ”..that is, in moderation.”

The balanced type and most wanted among us is Joyce, the Cool Chic. She is most likely the girl everyone wants to date, befriend or work with since she can handle life’s situations with finesse whether how high or low a condition is. She is the problem solver and often asked for advice since she can keep her emotions in check. I observe that in every conflict, she tries to center herself by doing other things and then face the tight spot straight out. She is attentively listening to Charm right now and continuously asking her questions about how and why it happened. “Charm, you need to focus on the problem and not your emotions,” I hear Joyce say. The best thing about Joyce is that she doesn’t dominate the spotlight in order to handle sticky situations. She puts everything in the right place and knows how to fight for what is fair. She can stand up for herself and knows when to stop if it is beyond her control.

12pm and I never realize we’ve been here that long. The place is full now and there are about ten to fifteen people waiting for a space. Well, finally Charm is coming to her senses already, I suppose, since she stopped crying. I stand up and say, “Girls, let’s go somewhere and have fun! This is our night so let’s make the most of it. We got only one day to spend together every week, remember?” They agree with me and begin preparing to leave. As I turn away, Charm grabs my hand, “Let’s go fix ourselves first, I need to be stunning tonight.” We all laugh. Tonight I realize that whether life is like one big soap opera or is too boring to bear, one should know how to balance one’s emotions. True sometimes, that some dilemmas do deserve an Oscar-winning performance, but it isn’t worthy making one self feel stressed and abused. On the other hand, we should be reminded that some things are worth the trouble and that everyone deserves to give her feelings free rein.

February 22, 2021 No comments

Do you believe in angels? I do. At times I feel that God sent his angels to you through the people you meet, as friends or even as family.

Since I was a kid, I strongly believe that the angels come down to guide and guard us. To help us find the path that is destined to be ours. Growing up, I see my tita Reine as my guardian angel. Whenever I go through difficult times, back in the days when I couldn’t understand what’s going through with my emotions and thoughts, she would suddenly appear at our doorstep. She would share with me readings from the bible (she’s a nun from Daughters of Charity) and would remind me how much God loves me. Unfortunately, God decided to take her back to his arms and it is as if I lost my only angel.

I felt lost and over time I started to question the main purpose of my existence, and I don’t have my tita Reine to give me enlightenment. Am I being punished? Maybe, I don’t know. Maybe God is throwing life lessons at me so I have something that I could use in the future, maybe all these was a test. Then you know, I realized that these challenges lead to great things and that the only way you overcome these challenges is when you finally realize what the universe wants you to know and learn. So when you feel that it is already the end of the world for you, how about think that this could be a start of something wonderful that is coming your way.

I was a lost sheep for years. Today, God made me realize that I wasn’t truly lost. I just fail to see that he actually sent me hundreds (or maybe thousands) of angels even before I lost my aunt. He gave me my mom and dad from the moment I was born, then my siblings to my closest friends who came and go. He gave me my husband and kids. My tribe. My mentors. These are the angels he sent that I failed to notice and took for granted. These are the people who shaped who I am now. The people who gave me the reason to keep fighting and pushing on with each and every life’s struggles. We too, are someone’s guardian angel, by inspiring and motivating the people around us, by helping them get through their challenges, and by reminding them that there is a divine power that guides us.

Through one of my angels, my friend Tine, God showed me that he will continuously find me when I am lost. The chakra charm I got from my friend is a gift from God and he is whispering me a message through my guardian angel on earth. Today, God is telling me, that I am on the right path. I am a DIAMOND. The path is bumpy, and sometimes will be hard to navigate, but I will get to my destination no matter what.

You too can be where you want to be. You just have to keep pushing. You have to figure out what this experience is telling you. What are you supposed to learn from this turmoil you are in? What do you need to overcome? As long as you keep on going, it will get you to where you are supposed to be. One of the mentors I have used to tell me, “where you are right now does not determine who you are.” Take a deep breath with the feelings of hope, faith and optimism, and as you exhale, release the feelings of fear, doubt and negativity. Clear your heart and mind, find balance in your chakra and listen to your soul. For when you are able to do that, you are freeing yourself from the chains of scarcity and instead, you are subjecting yourself to limitless possibilities.

It won’t be easy. It could be a long journey. The path may fade, and maybe you will get lost, but you will find the way back. You just have to reach out to your guardian angels on earth to light your path so you never get lost in your journey once again. For our destination is great, but only those who chose not to give up is able to reach the peak. That place is beyond our imagination, hard to reach, but it would be oh so worth it.

February 21, 2021 No comments

Have you been in a situation when you start asking yourself, “what do I do now?”

These past weeks I feel that I am running out of strength, as if the fire inside me is slowly burning out. I feel that the slow death in my spirit is manifesting in my physical body. My physical body is weak, my mental power is fading and my spiritual strength is dimming. Do I just watch and see everything shatter before my eyes?

For the entire week this week, I have been battling a symptom brought by my congenital defect in my heart, chronic illness and stress. It isn’t easy, but I just have to carry on. I discussed my dilemma with my cardiologist this morning and he was also worried that my condition might get worse if I don’t do something about it. I have to get into meds, twice as much as I am already in, it sucks, and I didn’t like it. However I still feel grateful for having a doctor who understood that I am not one who would accept to be dependable on drugs to manage my dis-ease.

This tine I have to listen to my doctor though, but he knows for a fact, my goal would be to manage the symptoms and slowly get out of meds eventually. I told him I am subjecting myself into a master cleanse program - cleansing my gut and rid of any toxins that accummulated inside, causing inflammation in my entire body. He said that it might help so he encouraged me to go for it. I also told him I have my essential oils too, to help support my body. He just smiled, and said, make sure you monitor yourself and update me with the progress. I still think he thinks I am crazy hehehe.. well I am and proud of it haha!

I am off work for an entire freaking week because of what my body is going through! I am not sure if to me it is a good thing, since I get to de-stress, relax and give myself more care, or bad because I know for a fact that I would come back to a pile of shit and be on the same toxic environment I am in after I am better. I have strong mental endurance but lately work has been eating me up inside. The stress is overbearing and I started questioning myself, is the paycheck even worth sacrificing my sanity?

I think what my physical is going through was due to a mental, emotional and spiritual transformation that I am in, I guess I have been keeping so much energy in me and as I try to release these unwanted energy, it caused some sort of commotion in my body. I can’t pretend, but I am burned out from the whirlwind of emotions that I am in. The feeling of guilt, fear, and uncertainty. It is just overbearing. Did I tell you that YL’s Clarity is my new best friend? Ah if you knew me, I hated that oil, but recently it is a lifesaver when my emotions wreak havoc in my human mind.

I am tired. Tired of thinking about others but no one to care for myself. Sucks when you only have yourself to rely on, yeah? But then I can’t just sulk in and cry in one corner, right? I have to take control, and gain confidence that I can do things on my own, without anyone to depend on (even when deep inside I am longing to have someone ask how I am doing or if I am OK). That’s life, and I just have to be grateful of the great things that come my way. Suck it in Miyo! :)

So I got into a lot of wellness programs for the past 3 months. I got into a meditation session with Kimi Lu, Toby Gant and Rachel Jamiro in December. I was part of the Kimi Lu’s Well-being Boost Program with Michelle and Ciara in January, got a private coaching session with Toby in February, and a group session with Toby in March. I even got myself crystal bowls (well my husband got me the other one hehe)!

The Wellbeing Boost Program also helped me to listen more to myself. Be more intentional and grateful than I used to be, be more compassionate to myself. Creating that sacred space with my group without any judgement gave me a sense of relief. I realized that I am drawn to inspire people and that’s fueling me. I feel it is my life’s purpose.. to be able to shed light and lead someone out of the dark. Before I am able to, I have to lead myself out of the dark first.

Then I got into this private coaching session with Toby Gant early this month and it was amazing! I was hesitant at first because I am not comfortable opening myself that easily but I was glad I did! He actually sensed that feeling that I am hiding, not just from myself, but from the people around me. I am in deep need of care too you know. Being in the session with him removed that stabbing feeling that I have inside me. It is as if I felt that someone finally saw through me. Someone saw that behind the strong facade that I try to eminate on the outside, I am dying inside. The meditation and soul searching helped me release the bottled up feelings. I feel more alive now, and looking forward to where future will lead me. Not entirely healed but I am I getting there.

This month I got to know more who I am and what I am capable of. I guess I have been too shortsighted and underestimating of myself. So much for someone who always think that “we are all designed for greatness” ha! Maybe I knew, but I am not accepting because I am scared of failure. How do you fail anyway? I giess when you lack belief and faith. Then I realized I am full of that, then why limit myself?

I thought I already learned to love myself. I guess I ain’t there yet. I am human, I acknowledge that. I have weaknesses and strengths, but my strengths are beyond my imaginationt. I just have to dig deeper inside me to start that spark that died down. I just have to keep finding myself, so I can continue to give to others.

My cup ran out, without noticing. So I almost died, my spirit almost died. I am grateful that God has been so gracious to equip me with tools and people who can help me find myself again and fill that cup. I am embarking a new journey, not knowing where it would lead me, but it is clearer now, and I am sure that it would be where I have always dreamed of. I am not there yet, but I am taking the first step. It might not include things that I thought would be part of that dream but then, I guess things will just get better.

I know because I asked, and I believe.. so I will receive. Until then, I have to transform myself physically, mentally and spiritually so that I am the person that I need to be, to receive that enormous purpose that God has planned for me.

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If you are interested to get into the Wellbeing Boost Program, you may click this link and mention that Cherry Ang sent you there :)

February 20, 2021 No comments

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